thanksgiving

i posted my previous blog on myspace. i got a few comments from people who i respect very much. i have to say i felt quite encouraged.

i also feel that i must confess that i still feel uneasy. what if what i am supposed to do is uncomfortable. what if i have to quit my job, move away from my family, or just generall be uncomfortable. it's a little scary. i have an inkling that my calling is not be an uber popular novelist. i am very sure my calling is not to be a tele-evangelist (i dont really think anyone is called to be one of those). i am still somewhat unsure what my calling is, but i know i have one. i also know that i am being called by someone much greater than i. i know that if i take heart and listen and following this calling, all discomfort will be more bearable. i am sure that it will not go away, but i am sure that it will be bearable.

that is something funny about God. we were never promised a lack of struggle or pain or opposition, we were just promised help and peace. a peace that i am not sure i will ever be able to understanding. i know just a few things; i know that my God is much bigger than i am (mentally, emotionally), i know that my God is love, and i know that the plans laid out for me are to prosper and not to harm.

i know that i will be ok. although, at times, we struggle to pay the mortgage or buy nice groceries. i know we will be ok. we have been blessed with family and friends. we have been blessed far above anything we will ever know.

we live frusterating lives as humans. it is a very cumbersome task finding satisfaction. it is contstant struggle trying so hard, fighting so hard. i guess all we can do is try to make the best of it and pray to God that we can make it better for someone else a long the way.