uh wow

i saw this on themacinator's blog earlier. it is astounding. please don't watch if you are offended by nudity.

this a video of an unarmed, non-violent hipped being tased by THREE cops at an outdoor concert.

http://vimeo.com/4273363

"Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know him! Then he will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring." Hosea 6:3

i am not sure what to say about the verse above. it struck me.

april has not been the greatest of months. two deaths and many other struggles have left me drained. i am emotionally exhausted and it seems that i have almost given up physically. its strange though, i wouldn't call this depression(as i am sure my mother would if she were reading this). i am not one for spiritual cliches, but maybe this is what people refer to as a "desert" period. i'm not sure; i don't feel sure about much at the moment except that: i need to pay my bills, i am hungry, my dog hurt her leg today, i have work tomorrow, and i need some rest.

to change subjects, my husband and i spend a lot of time at a local tattoo shop. we went by a few days ago to say hello to the guys who work there. interestingly we all got into a conversation about religion (about religion as a whole from buddhism to polytheism). we were asked our beliefs (those of you who know us know that we are not at all ashamed of what we believe, but we are usually ashamed by the people who claim to hold the same beliefs as us). we told them that we are christians and we were immediately told how rediculous our beliefs were. i found this funny. we were being told that we are (basically) stupid because we choose to believe in Christ by someone who is unwilling to state a belief other than "theres a god, but that is all i know, but i do know that Jesus isn't the way... and all those &*(@ people back then have nothing to do with my life." this belief is fine. that is his right, i actually understand (kind of) his reluctance to ascribe himself to a belief. BUT what i DO have a problem with is when a statement like: "all christians...." but in the same breath say, "i don't judge" and "everyone is ok" the statement should actually be "everyone is ok, but christians" this is annoying to me. not just because i am christian. i would be annoyed if someone said "all jews are ...." or "all muslims are...." but then make statements about how you shouldn't judge.

i paused for a moment to light my cigarette and lost my train of thought. i should probably stop rambling anyway.

basically, i pray that i will begin to press to know God more and that i will be more aware when i am getting to catch glimpses of God

better so far

today was much better than the post couple weeks. i was surprised when i got up this morning. i was expecting rain, but much to my pleasure it was quite nice outside. the sky was blue with gorgeous white, puffy clouds. it looked almost like a cartoon- this is my kind of spring day!

i got to work today and was informed that my team lead was "promoted" to a supervisory position in another department. i am hoping that i will be made team lead once our contracts are finalized (fingers crossed). i don't want to get my hopes up, but i have been assisted with team lead responsibilities for the past year and i will be trained on the rest of the job in the coming months. it might sounds silly, but i am excited about this opportunity. i love my job and i love my team, i just want to do all that i can to make my team even better. i will keep you updated.

a couple of my friends won a competition last night to go to bonnaroo. congrats to the Protomen. maybe they will get to meet bruce springstein. i am very excited for them!!

thats all for now.

april showers

first of all, i haven't posted anything in a while. i know. i am terrible at keeping up with these kinds of things. i think i am going to set a reminder on my phone to remind me to do this at least once a week. blogging is good practice and is also a good outlet.

to summarize- we went to sxsw last month. it was a great amount of fun. i am glad we were able to go and have fun, especially considering the past few weeks.

first, my step-grandmother died April 1. she had been battling with cancer for quite sometime and thankfully, she went rather peacefully surrounded by her family. i know she is resting peacefully now. i know that she no longer feels any pain and she is in the arms of her Savior. i have people with this.

my husband and i were able to go see her about a week before she passed, this was when she was still somewhat alert and was able to communicate if even with just a smile or laugh.

about two weeks ago (the day of my step-grandmothers funeral), my told me he was traveling to Florida to be with his mom and siblings as his father, my grandfather who has been fighting guiallian barbet syndrome (probably caused by a flu shot) for a few months, was not doing well. my father told me on tuesday that my grandfather was taken off the ventilator and passed away peacefully surrounded by his family. this hit me hard. i am sure if i was hit hard because i haven't been able to see my grandfather in quite sometime or if i had convinced myself that he would be ok.

it has been a difficult month so far. i talked to my mom about these things as well as my dryer breaking, my toilet/bathtub being backed, and my car having problems; she reminded me that God never allows to take on more than we can handle. i have no doubt that this is true. i know that God knows me much better than i know myself and He knows my needs. i have been broken these past few weeks. my heart has been broken, my wallet has been broken and this morning my window has been broken (thanks to my dog, Cash). i know that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord.

sometimes i wonder if times like these teach us to love God more. i pray for strength and try fight off bitterness. i pray for love and ward off anger.

i pray for clear skies and a time of peace. i know that God is in control and that i need to let go of the reigns...