i'm not totally sure what to post about tonight, i've written about four paragraphs in the past few moments and have deleted them all; i don't know how to craft the words that are bubbling up in my heart and mind. i don't know how to openly mourn the attacks our country is undergoing because of an attack on a culture- whether or not we as a nation were responsible. i'm not sure how to say that, even though i did not make the video that caused an uprising around the world, i am a representative of the same God and Savior that those who did claim to know and worship. you see, i am not only mourning the death of soldiers and an ambassador, i am mourning yet another mar on the name of Christ that WE who claim to be christians have caused.

i am disgusted.

as i write this now, i am weeping. i am weeping because we, the followers of the Most High God have allowed the LOVE and GRACE of God to be forgotten. we wear the cross on which our Savior bled and died as a badge that, we think, gives us the right to trample everyone else who does not wear it, or does not wear it the way that we think they should. this is our history though, as the royal priesthood. the sons of Eli did it, christians did it during the crusades and we are doing it now.

we have forgotten the love of Christ. we have forgotten the commandments. we have forgotten this...

"⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
¹³ This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. ¹⁶ And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. ¹⁷ This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. ²¹ And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. (1 John 4:7-21)"

i'm sorry for the tone of this post and that i cannot be more uplifting. 

if by some chance you are reading this and you do not know the God i worship, or you are someone who says "I love God, but I hate his wife (the church)", let me say this, i am sorry. 

the God i serve does not mock, the God i worship loves unconditionally. 

if you are reading this and you part of the Bride of Christ, let me encourage you in this... we are all motivated by love, either of God or ourselves; let the wonder of the cross fill you with His love so that it can be poured to all around you. focus on the Most High God above all else and let His love infect your heart so that you will have no other choice, but love as He does.